KingdomView, Vol. V, Issue 8
CNLT Focus on the Family Series
Scripture: Psalm 19:7-11
Sermon Summary
Read Psalm 19:7-11, obviously, this passage does not have to do with dating, yet alone Christian dating. However, it does emphasize the importance of Scripture. For people did not date in biblical times. Dating as a socially accepted means of finding a mate has been around for less than a century. Before that, strict courtship rituals governed the path to marriage. Whom you married was not even up to you most of the time. Falling in love before you were married or engaged is a twentieth century concept; dating, as we know it, occurred after marriage. Since the Bible does not deal directly with the subject of dating, it does provide helpful human relationship principles that can be applied to the contemporary practice.
Many people in the twenty-first century "date to marry, but they should marry to date." In essence, spending a lifetime getting to know a person and enjoying the discovery process is wondrous and life changing. For the Hebrews and early church, dating was not an issue to be addressed in Scripture. Sex and marriage were, but not dating. When the Bible was written, a person had one of three options: remaining single, an amoral life with multiple partners or prostitutes, or an arranged marriage. There were courtship rituals in place, but nothing that looks like what we consider dating today. Today, I would like to build my sermon around the following thesis: The Bible provides solid principles for wholesome human relationships that can be used as guideposts for dating.
Purpose: To provide biblical insight for mature Christians that desire to date.
Lesson Guide: Reclaiming the Urban Family: How to Mobilize the Church as a Family Training Center, Chapter 7 "Training Singles in the Mate-Selection Process," by Dr. Willie Richardson
I. Singles must trust God. (Proverbs 3:5-7)
A. The most important thing to remember during the mate-selection process is to trust God and take your time.
B. If God can create the heavens and the earth and open the red sea then He can certainly present you with that unique person that is designed for you.
Illustration: God presents Eve to Adam: Proverbs 3:5-7
5 A Trust in the LORD with all your heart And B do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways A acknowledge Him, And He will B make your paths straight.
7 A Do not be wise in your own eyes; B Fear the LORD and turn away from evil.
II. Developing Relationships
A. Read page 94 (Develop your relationships instead of letting them happen)
B. Dr. Richardson suggests that single Christians should start with friendship, move to courtship, enter marriage and grow into companionship. Today, I will only be dealing with the concept of friendship.
C. Friendship: Friendship is no light matter from the biblical point of view. God calls believers to a level of friendship that is rare in the world.
Proverbs 17:17
7 A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.
Proverbs 27:6
6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.
Proverbs 27:17
17 Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.
1 Samuel 18:1
18 Now it came about when he had finished speaking to Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself.
1 Samuel 18:3
3 Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.
III. Casual Friendship
1. The only commitment that should be made at this level is to find out more about the person in whom who have an interest.
2. To get to know someone, you have to ask pertinent personal questions. At the outset, you want to establish whether the person is married or single.
3. Is the person a committed Christian, a non-Christian, or just a religious professing Christian who is not submitting to the authority of God and His Word, the Bible.
4. You want to know what a person you’re interested in does with his or her time. If employed, by whom? If not, why not? Has the person ever been in jail? For what? Is the person in school? Why? What does the person do for recreation?
5. Obtain this kind of information before you go out with someone.
6. We are taught in God’s Word to use discretion in choosing friends; if we do not, we could be adversely affected by the relationship.
Proverbs 22:24-27
24 Do not associate with a man given to anger; Or go with a hot-tempered man,
25 Lest you learn his ways, And find a snare for yourself.
26 Do not be among those who give pledges, Among those who become sureties for debts.
27 If you have nothing with which to pay, Why should he take your bed from under you?
IV. Close Friendships
This is the interval, in which you begin to date, but the emphasis is still on friendship, and you are not dating one person exclusively. This is especially good for those who do not want to get serious about anyone at this time but would like to go out with someone occasionally.
1. It is made clear to the person you go out with that you are going out with other friends and are not serious about anyone at this time. For Christians, this stage is different from the worldly way of meeting and going out with them exclusively.
2. Also, at this interval two matters must be taken into consideration. First, there is the prohibition against dating non-Christians. As a Christian, you should not date non-Christians. (Deuteronomy 7:3, 4; 1 Corinthians 15:33; 2 Corinthians 6:14-18)
3. The second matter is that of Christian fellowship, which must be an emphasis in Christian dating. We can gain some insight from 1 John 1:5-7
1 John 1:5-7
5 And this is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all.
6 If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth;
7 but if we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.
4. To actively have Christian fellowship as a goal in courtship means
a. Dating people who know Christ
b. Dating people who are in fellowship with Christ
c. Being friends as a willing acceptance until God leads the relationship into something more serious
d. Sharing the Word of God with each other in addition to praying together
e. Worshiping God together
f. Being godly and honest
g. Rejecting sexual intercourse as sin and "walking in darkness"
h. Acknowledging the lordship of Jesus Christ
i. Being committed to walk together in the Spirit and be filled with the Spirit
j. Mutually trusting God for a mate
k. Do not accept expensive gives
5. To maintain the emphasis of friendship, there must not be any intimate kissing or petting. Such behavior changes the relationship emotionally without necessarily changing the will to a deep commitment.
V. Intimate Friendship
1. At this interval, you have made the emotional commitment to date one person exclusively. This commitment must not be assumed but clearly discussed and committed to by both parties.
2. There should be a commitment to invest at least twelve months at this level. Things have begun now to get serious.
3. In getting to know the person better, explore the following:
a. Observe the character and behavior of best friends
b. Is personal time spent with God
c. Find out attitudes on handling money, including spending and saving
d. Determine if the person is trustworthy concerning dating only you
e. Get to know family members and learn family background
f. What are the strengths and weaknesses of the person you are dating? When you don’t know of any weaknesses, it is a sign that you do not know the person very well or that the person is acting out a role and is not being honest. The Bible reveals that the most holy saints were not perfect. Everybody has a sin nature.
Reflection
1. Are you dating? If so, are you following biblical principles as identified in this lesson?
2. Did you answer NO to question #1.Why?
3. Do you believe in the authority of Scripture? If not, why?
(By the ‘Authority of Scripture’ I mean that the Bible, as the expression of God’s will to us, possesses the right supremely to define what we are to believe and how we are to conduct ourselves (Matthew 4:4; 2 Timothy 3:16).
4. What defines your belief system, contemporary culture or biblical truth?
5. Are you prone to take matters into your own hands to find a mate or do you trust God and His timing for this blessing?
Go Deeper
Additional Reading:
1. Gary Smalley, The DNA of Relationships
2. Haman Cross, Jr., A Manual for Christian Dating
3. Clark N. Warren, Finding the Love of Your Life
4. Diane Eble, The Campus Life Guide to Dating
